Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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