Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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