Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
