NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize