You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
