the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
