It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
