He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
