Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize