I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
