We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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