C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
