wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
