so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
