1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
