The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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