her vagine was all disorganized.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
