In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
