Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
