we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
