Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
