Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
