just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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