That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
