I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
