I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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