woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
