So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
