what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
