dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
