Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
