eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
