i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
