we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
