I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i drank out of a bidet.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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