im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize