there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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