my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
