Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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