I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
