you're like a bully in the Christmas story
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
