he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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