Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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