If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
