Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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