Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
