Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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