Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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