Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
