I have demons in me.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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