Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
