O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
