oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
