I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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