I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
