So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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