He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
