Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize