We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
