You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
