cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
