This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
