I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
