He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
