so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
