I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
