I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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