Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
