which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
