ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
