Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
