So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
