Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is Oprah even human
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
