Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
