thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
