I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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