I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
