so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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