How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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