Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
