i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize