I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
