I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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