Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
