bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
