I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize