someone get that fucking seahorse.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
