The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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