and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize