The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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