It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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