dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he thought i was a dude.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize