I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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