If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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