just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
