I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
