Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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