You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
