Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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