very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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