Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
