I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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