My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
