if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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