Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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